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THE “NARCISSIST” IN YOUR LIFE

May 6, 2016angry spouse

TRUMP aside, surely you know… or love… someone who you’d describe as cocky, arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding? Your mom may have told you that the bully-kid on the school playground… the one who bugged you… was just insecure and didn’t even believe his own bravado. Turns out, your mom was wrong. That bully, a […]

LOVERS, FRIENDS AND NASTY SHOUT-OUTS

April 22, 2016"cracked" communication

At a point of anger, have you ever out and accused your spouse, or someone else close to you, of “MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF NOTHING?” Have you ever blown off a loved one, with a sarcastic, “GOOD LUCK,” to mean, that there would be nothing short of miracle that will make whatever he/she […]

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH

January 28, 2016Blog

Know any “SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW” people? You know who I mean…. those OPTIMISTIC souls, who like “Annie,” somehow manage to be happy anyway, even when things don’t seem to be going so well. Try not to hate them. Instead… learn from them. Remember how everyone loved “Annie”? When life throws you a few […]

#2: LOVE YOUR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MATE?

January 3, 2016"Gotchas"

You’ve hidden his remote on purpose. UGH. Of course, he had no idea that you would do such a thing. But his passive aggressive quirks have finally got the best of you and you have stooped to fail, with your own set of “GOTCHAS”. Good for you that you’ve taken the first step by recognizing […]

BONDING IN THE BERKSHIRES

October 25, 2015BALANCE

It took too many hours to get from Orange County, California to Canyon Ranch, Lenox, but it was worth it. The leaves had turned to the most wonderful colors. The weather was cold and crisp with sunny skies. The hotel/spa grounds are magnificent, decorated with good art from local artists. The activities, indulgences and side […]

MAUREEN SAYS SHE WANTS A DIVORCE

September 1, 2015Blog

A wife I’ll call “Maureen” told “Russell,” her husband of eighteen years, that she wanted a divorce… Only then did they make an appointment with this love doctor! They came in fighting. I could hear them through the walls, in my waiting room. I knew this wasn’t going to be much fun. They glared at […]

CHEAPER THAN THERAPY

August 22, 2015Blog

Do you feel ignored by your wife? Do you feel like a nuisance around her? Perhaps your relationship has hit a giant snag? In case you haven’t noticed, romance busters are everywhere. Kid-problems and managing extended family relationships don’t inspire much passion. Perhaps, there are money challenges. Or maybe your issues have to do with […]

“Nice” Guys Have More Sex

June 7, 2015Blog

June 7, 2015 When’s the last time you winked at your spouse across the room? Or thanked him/her for all the things he does for you? Those would be really nice things to do. For marital happiness, I believe being “nice” is even more important than knowing the right way to “listen” and to communicate. […]

George’s Jealous Wife

May 26, 2015Blog

May 26, 2015 A man I’ll call “George,” called me several months ago. “Help,” he said. “My wife thinks I’m having an affair. She’s obsessed with everything I do. She checks out what I’m wearing. She checks out my underwear. No kidding. I bought new underwear because the old ones were tearing and she got […]

Fifty Shades of Good Guy / Bad Guy

March 3, 2015Blog

March 3, 2015 “In a super-hero movie, its typically good guy and bad guy… and bad guy attacks. In real life, evil seduces.” —Joaquin Phoenix Not always, but sometimes, these evil seducers are narcissists with over-inflated ideas of their own importance and talents, like the fictional Christian Grey in the story, “Fifty Shades of Grey.” […]

Valentine’s “Earthquake” Kit

February 9, 2015Blog

February 9, 2015 This Love Doctor speaks with authority and is sure that romantic relationships are worth every bit of the trouble they cause. They do need to be cared for and cherished, however. If I made the rules, every single couple would have a piggy bank prominently displayed their home…. a special and unique […]

Drama “Junkies” and Their Partners

January 31, 2015Blog

January 31, 2015 “At midnight, on New Year’s Eve, my wife, the ‘Drama Queen’ kissed me passionately and then screamed, so loud that the whole neighborhood could hear. She told me that last year was the worst year of our marriage and that I should pack my things and leave. This wasn’t the first time. […]

36 Magic Questions

January 18, 2015Blog

January 18, 2015 Want to feel more connected to someone? Ask each other these 36 questions — but not all at once. Even if you are not currently coupled, it may serve you well to think about your own answers. And about how much you would be willing to share. 1. Given the choice of […]

Tame Those Turkeys

November 24, 2014Blog

November 24, 2014 Have a relative you’re not looking forward to hanging out with this Thursday? You’re not alone. Maybe you even love that person, but his/her likely behavior when the family gathers, is intolerable to you. Here’s a few things you can do to make things better: 1. If Old Uncle What’s-His-Name starts in […]

*** “I’m The Boss of Me”

November 19, 2014Blog

November 19, 2014 SPOILER ALERT: People spend almost half of the time they are awake thinking about something other than what they are doing … and how often their mind drifts, is predictive of how happy or unhappy they are. No kidding. There is scientific research to support the notion that “mind-wandering” is a mood […]

Ticket Back to Hot Sex

November 3, 2014Blog

November 3, 2014 Interested in hot sex? –“RE-KINDLING” has to come first. That is… if you’re thinking about having it with the same old partner. Think “campfire”. You have to start slow to reach the big flames. Talking is a very good place to start. Don’t roll you eyes, Gentlemen. Women are always claiming that […]

Getting a Marriage Back on Track

September 15, 2014Blog

September 15, 2014 After reading my last blog entry, (Divorce Predictors, September 4th 2014), Hilda wrote: “I get that the marriages you describe are in jeopardy, but what now? Can these marriages ever be saved?” Sometimes they can, Hilda. Some people learn from their bad experiences and move on to healthier relationships with or without […]

He Can So Change

August 10, 2014Blog

August 10, 2014 “Larry,” 46, is on a mission of self discovery. A mid-life crisis? Maybe. In any event, his therapy has been centered around re-thinking his own self-image. I first met Larry six months ago. He was, by his own admission, twenty pounds, over-weight. His exercise program was “stalled,” he says, because of a […]

What Happy People Don’t Do

May 23, 2014Blog

May 23, 2014 We look in awe at people who seem to be really happy. Are they messing with us? Not always. Some people know how to be happy and we can just wonder how they do that. Don’t hate them… learn from them. Happy people know how to laugh and relish a moment. They […]

What Awe-Inspiring Love Idea Did You Have Today?

March 1, 2014Blog

March 1, 2014 When daughters who say they are marriage-minded, get sick of hanging out with undependable, bad-boy, boyfriends, they’re likely to pay more attention to Mom’s advice: “In this turbulent ever-changing world, safe and predictable men have always made the best husbands.” Flash forward ten or twenty years and these same daughters (and some […]

Falling In Love With Her

January 10, 2014Blog

January 10, 2014 “HER” played in our local theater. When it was over, several of the moviegoers around me were quite vocal with their reviews. “Soooo romantic,” cooed one woman. Her friend agreed. “Samantha and Theodore seemed like the perfect couple.” For the uninitiated who haven’t seen this film, please note that “Samantha” is the […]

Coming of Age… Sort of

August 22, 2013Blog

August 22, 2013 I was at the senior center, about to start a zumba dancing class and I had palpitations in the parking lot. The last time I had taken a dancing class, I cried… I was five years old and I made my mother promise me that I would never have to go back. […]

Fireworks

July 3, 2013Blog

July 3, 2013 I’ve always loved fireworks on July 4th; so don’t call me a spoilsport as you read this. “Fireworks,” just takes on different meaning in the world of family counselors and psychologists. If you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time, you know what I mean. Could you do a better […]

Kick, Kick That “Bucket”

May 6, 2013Blog

May 6, 2013 I hate the idea that having a bucket-list implies that I expect to die any time soon. So, when I overheard two twenty-something girls in New York this week talking, arguing, about what sounded like bucket-list talk, I was curious. “I’m want to learn Italian,” said the first girl. “Me too. No […]

Football, TV, Cell Phones or Me?

March 13, 2013Blog

March 13, 2013 Ladies: Ever hear of “Zeebox?” It’s an app which watches your TV shows, right along with you and offers the kind of chatter and gossip you may crave. Never will you get that kind of attention and companionship from your man. He’s not even interested in the shows you watch. Gentlemen: If […]

To My Valentine

January 16, 2013Blog

January 16, 2013 Dear Valentine, I know you are worried about what to give me for Valentine’s Day, so let me give you a few hints. No chocolates, please. I love chocolates, and I will not be able to resist them. Save me from that. Please. I do not want cut flowers because they die […]

“Bah Humbug” To Resolutions?

January 6, 2013Blog

January 6, 2013 “Bah Humbug” To Resolutions? – Are you a New Years Resolver? Or do you declare “Bah humbug” and resolve never to make another resolution on New Years Day? Let me re-phase the question. Have you made a “promise” to yourself recently? Sometimes, it’s just easier to deal with a “promise.” In the […]

Forget “Bondage,” Love Has To Do With Bonding

July 7, 2012Blog

July 7, 2012 Forget “Bondage,” Love Has To Do With Bonding – Never mind the current best-selling trilogy of “mommy porn” fiction which I talked about in my last entry. (Click here on “Fifty Shades of Gray” to check it out.) I’m saying that if you really want to keep love hot, “bondage” doesn’t work. […]

The “Kind Kiss”

February 19, 2012Blog

February 19, 2012 The “Kind Kiss” – Shakespeare wrote about the “kind kiss” as the ultimate demonstration of love. In the second part of King Henry VI, Act 1, Scene 1, said by Henry VI: “I can express no kinder sign of love, than this kind kiss.” “Kind,” I think is the operative word, whether […]

Victory Lap Time

January 29, 2012Blog

January 29, 2012 Victory Lap Time – Unlike Betty White, I’m not quite old enough to brag about my age but I’ve decided that fifty years of marriage is worthy cause for celebration. Our kids apparently thought so too. I admit all this celebrating makes me a little uncomfortable. People whose pictures I see in […]

RX For Making Friends

November 2, 2010Blog

November 2, 2010 What Really Makes You Happy? – “Mark,” 43, a usually successful man, had always identified himself as a “happy introvert.” Now, in an economic crisis, he has begun to re-think his need for others. He says he really needs a friend and that his wife is no help because she is too […]

The Successful Marriage of Al and Tipper Gore

June 7, 2010Blog

June 7, 2010 Is the The Gore’s marriage a failure? Really, now? Forty years together, raising a beautiful family, building a successful career, becoming Vice President and Second Lady of the United States, and making a significant mark on the world… that doesn’t sound like much a failure to me. You try being married for […]

Amy’s Addicted to Jason

July 26, 2009Blog

July 26, 2009 Amy’s Addicted to Jason – Never mind that Jason says he loves Amy one minute and that he disappears the next. No matter that since he’s been in her life, Amy feels anxious and uncomfortable almost all of the time. And that the closer she tries to get to him, the more […]

Why Do Men Hate Valentine’s Day?

February 4, 2009Blog

February 4, 2009 Why Do Men Hate Valentine’s Day? – Men hate Valentine’s Day because it feels contrived and because it feels like it calls for some arbitrary display of love by which he will be judged. So why do women love Valentine’s Day? Because, even if it is contrived, it represents another opportunity to […]

A New Kind of Resolution

December 29, 2008Blog

December 29, 2008 Want to have a perfectly happy 2009? Yes, I am talking about New Year’s resolutions… just not the kind you’re thinking about. How did you measure up this last year? Like it or not, New Years Day comes around on a regular basis to remind us of our successes, accomplishments and of […]

Take This Intimacy Challenge

November 15, 2008Blog

November 15, 2008 Take This Intimacy Challenge – It came straight from the mouth of this marriage counselor: Spend 12 hours of non-sleeping time in a room together, with no television, no computer and no reading material. “No problem,” said the couple that I’ll call Bonnie and Scott. Actually, I think any new-sounding proposal would […]

What’s a Frustrated Husband To Do?

July 29, 2008Blog

July 29, 2008 Suppose you are a married man who feels like you are misunderstood and under-appreciated. You say that all your wife does is complain about what you do wrong. She pushes you away when you approach her to make love. She makes excuses to do her own thing. She acts like she doesn’t […]

Can You Keep Secrets?

July 13, 2008Blog

July 13, 2008 A good friend confides in you. Now it feels like a burden because you’re dying to tell your husband (and your designated BFF) what you’ve just heard. Can you keep a secret or do you end up telling, swearing others to secrecy and passing along that “burden?” Take this test and check […]

What Can We Learn From Jack at 85?

June 18, 2008Blog

June 18, 2008 I went to a birthday party for “the mayor” of my street… or maybe of the whole neighborhood. Jack, a retired pilot, has lived in the same house for 37 years. He turned 85 this week. His backyard was filled with well wishers, mariachis and waiters serving margaritas, burritos and other goodies. […]

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