A GIFT FROM THE PAST IS HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

 I received a wonderful gift today.

A man named Paul, who I do not know, wrote me an e-mail.It seems that sometime in the late 80’s he had read my column in Newports’s  DAILY PILOT.

He said he had clipped it for reference and had followed my advice, writing a letter to each of his kids as they were about to graduate from High School.

Making that transition really is a big deal and he wanted his kids to recognize the importance of this milestone in their own lives.

Apparently, they all have done well.  when I opened my e-mail today I got a message from Paul who asked if I could dig into my archives, and find the column he had referenced.

Turns out that his first grandson is about to graduate from high school!

 The eighties were the dark ages for computers. No archives, I’m afraid.

So, Paul, the best I can do is to write a few new thoughts. I hope this helps.

December 17, 2022

DEAR ALMOST GRADUATE,

What an exciting time this is for you. Your life seems to be filled with endless opportunities for adventure and success.

As an almost adult, however, you are faced with real challenges. You’ll make new friends, you’ll lose a few, You’ll choose a major, maybe you’ll change your mind and lose a few credits.

You’ll also likely discover what brings you joy, what fulfills your purpose, The result will likely be that you’ll get better at facing your fears.

We’ve all got fears. Growth can’t happen without a little fear. And you will never know how brave you are until you take that first step, putting your fear aside.

Learn how to fail and learn how to pick yourself back up. That skill is a big secret to a happy life.

 You’ve had so many successes in you r life , son, which have paved the way to shiny future.

Now, don’t be afraid to try new things. Learn something new even if you suck at it at first. Choose your friends wisely. Life-long friends are most often made in these precious years.

Celebrate the success of others. They’ll never forget your kindness.

Work hard, but leave room to have fun. And, oh, call your Mom… and your Dad . Don’t forget your Grandad. I’m there to listen. And I’ll try not to lecture.

(MEMO To Paul’s grandson…You are a lucky guy to have a Granddad like Paul)

And thank you, Paul … you made my week. 

After writing the above …A MIRACLE HAPPENED…  At least, It felt like a miracle.

I was cleaning up to make way for some new carpeting   in my home office. Out popped the giant- sized looseleaf book filled with weekly columns I had written for twelve years.

THERE IT WAS … that column, requested by Paul. so easy to find. thanks to a very able office manager, way back when.

 AND HERE IT IS. Perhaps it will spark an idea or two for someone else:

 DAILY PILOT, APRIL 29, 1988

By Linda Algazi Ph.D.

If your child is a High School Senior, this might be a good time to write him/her a letter.

You read correctly… I’m asking you to communicate with the child who lives on bedroom away… in written form. “Talking“rationally with most seniors has become impossible.

You listen to your child issuing increasing complaints as in “You ask me to do everything… Why can’t you just do it and leave me alone? … I want to be treated like a grown-up.”

It’s like you are living with a total stranger. Just when you thought the adolescent crazies were over, you heard your smart loving child tell her friend, “MY MOM IS “MAKING ME TAKE A TRIP TO SEVERAL COLLEGES BEFORE I CHOOSE A SCHOOL  WHY DO I HAVE TO SEE A BUNCH OF  SCHOOLS? SHE’S IMPLOSSIBLE. I CAN’T WAIT TO BE OUT OF HERE.”

 Psychologists tell parents that it is a hallmark of adolescence to complain about “dumb” and “unreasonable” parents.

Reality is that these “big brave seniors” are mostly scared and afraid to admit it. Part of them longs for the safety of childhood in spite of the sexier promise of independence.

Parents: You are challenged to translate their “terrible two-ish behavior” as the uneasiness of facing how to take care of themselves.

If you try to TALK, they are not likely to listen. If you WRITE, he or she will READ what you write. At least it’s a good bet.

        1.Write a letter in order  to tell your child how much you love him.

2. Recall some specific successes she has had.

3.Remind him of how he succeeded in spite of some giant fear.

4. Talk about you own experience of graduating from high school and about your own fears.
5. Reassure her that all most any decision she makes is not irrevocable. (For example if the school she chose was a bad choice, she’ll be able to change next year.
6. Tell him how you trust his ability to make good decisions.

7 Reassure her that making a few mistakes is part of the journey.

5. Tell him how wonderful you think he is.
6. And write that you are available to talk… not lecture… if and when he or she is ready.

Please let me know how it all works out.