WHAT LOVE MEANS NOW

When you become a Senior, “LOVE” will pretty much mean what it always has meant…. with a few additions and accommodations.

The challenge of SELF-LOVE, still has to come first.

A new widow told me, during a therapy session, that she had forgotten who she was. “I can’t even remember what I liked to do before I became a Mom and then a care-giver to my husband” Her last child was off to college this year.

If you’ve put yourself on hold for too long because of some external obligation, no matter how noble, you may need some inspiration to get going again.

Think about what you like to do after school when you were a kid, I suggested. What were you passionate about?

Jane Fonda, one of my heroes, calls life after sixty, the “THIRD ACT”. If you are blessed with good health and a sound brain, new opportunity becomes ripe for the picking. Some would call this the “HOT FUDGE SUNDAE TIME OF LIFE.”

 Oh, how I want to believe this.

I think about the artist Matisse, who, when he could no longer paint, cut paper into the most delightful images. And about Martha Graham, who became a choreographer when she could no longer dance.

For most of us, with more limited creative talents, there are community and college glasses galore, available everywhere. Not to worry … you’ll be in good company and there is usually not much homework involved.

One early inspiration for me, was this very, very old man… at least he seemed that old to my young eyes,

I met him during a graduate school internship in a community center, I passed him, each day, sitting on the steps outside of the building, next to a stack of newspapers which he appeared to be shredding,

I tried to make eye contact, but he continued t look away. When I invited him to come inside for some coffee and donuts, he ignored me..

Finally, I inquired about the newspapers. He hesitated, managed a smile and unraveled a long stream of paper dolls.

I was charmed.

I asked if he would be willing to come to my after-school group of six and 7seven-year-olds, to teach them this wonderful trick.The children grew to love “Grandpa Charlie.” He visited regularly, finally joining the group of seniors who were also part of our program.

Grandpa Charlie brought reciprocated extra doses of a special and nourishing kind of love into our program and into our lives.

NOW, ABOUT ROMANCE:

 YES, “LOVE” STILL DOES HAS A LOT TO DO WITH ROMANCE. AS WE AGE.

 A man in the audience during a talk I gave recently, raised his hand and addressed the group (His wife was present). He said:

“When I look at my 90-year-old wife, I see my 21 year old sweetheart.”

EVERY woman in the room fell in love. (I think this man’s name was CASSANOVA.) No one had to teach him that sometimes all it takes is a supportive gesture or flirtatious wink across a crowded room.

Of course, those healthy and lucky enough to have a partner, can continue to relish physical intimacies for as long as they are able.

Please also consider the increasing IMPORTANCE OF FRIENDSHIP, as we age.

Remember how you were glued to your “FRIENDS” in Junior High? You remember. Nothing was more important than your FRIENDS.

Guess what? When our kids are in the busiest season of their own lives, caring for their own careers and families, our need for closer friendships to fill in the gap, re-occurs.

It takes work, but if you manage to create A TRIBE, be it through Church, Temple, Country Club, or Movie Group… filled with people who may offer what you decide you need from a friend, and on whom you can ultimately count on, there is a pretty good chance that they won’t all be nuts on the same day.

In the name of LOVE, remember to be the kind of FRIEND you’d like to have.

You’ll live better and longer.