With all the uproar in the news about building “WALLS,” I can’t help but reflect about another kind of BOUNDARY-BUILDING… that between intimate partners.




This “WALL”is one that can be adjusted according to need.  It’s a relationship-builder that makes things a lot more interesting.




Whether you are in the first stage of a new romance or a veteran lover in a long-term marriage, establishing and committing to PERSONAL BOUNDARIES is not an act of defiance.








New lovers may insist they have morphed into ONE… and even enjoy it…  for a time.

But those who have been coupled up for years know better.


                                                                                       THINK ABOUT THIS:



  1. Be clear about what makes you happy and what expectations you have. (Remember that your expectations … and his… are likely to change over time and are subject to review.
  2. Acknowledge that in adult relationships, nothing is ever unconditional. Reflect about how far would you compromise yourself, to make him/her happy? Are you comfortable with how much time he or she is willing to have for you? (Too much or too little)
  3. Is talking about your weight off limits? Can you handle a kind “lie” about anything? What are your EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES? What are you not willing to talk about? Is talking about past relationships off the table? Be clear.
  4. Even if your emotions and hormones have taken over, open discussion about how you feel about FINANCIAL BOUNDARIES, can avoid later disaster. (In older unions, it may be time to adjust money decisions for the new comfort of both partners.)
  5. What’s your idea about how much room there is and /or will there be for friends and family? Do you agree?
  6. Have your own personal goals changed? Has your decision-making included your partner? Would you put aside your own goals for her or him?






                               NOW, THINK ABOUT THIS:

Forget concrete and steel.

Having clear PERSONAL BOUNDARIES, in a new relationship,  makes it so much easier to move through the fantasy stage and ahead…  in the right direction.

(And, If you have been together for awhile, taking a JOINT  BOUNDARY INVENTORY  is sure to let the sun shine bright on new intimate opportunity.)







So says this LOVE DOCTOR.




Thanks For Visiting,

Email Dr. Linda

{ 0 comments… add one now }

Leave a Comment