THAT LAST UGLY ARGUMENT

Remember that last argument you had with your spouse.?

Do you remember? Really?

Perhaps it turned into a shouting match… a LOVE DRAIN… like the one I identified last time. 

Perhaps … as is often the case…  you don’t even remember what your fight was about.

What you more likely to remember is how you felt during that argument. Likely that you felt unheard and what you remember most was airing your own gripes and how you fought back.

 So many of you wrote after reading my LOVE DRAIN post with a request for some extra “love doctor tools.”

 Your wish is my command, so here goes:

Best to learn to concentrate on what your partner is saying. Make sure you truly understand his/her point of view before you attempt to justify your own.

                                                                                       THINK ABOUT THIS

 Great sex depends not only on physical attraction, but on emotional connection. Emotionally rejected partners, who don’t feel heard, learn to not listen and … often don’t care much about making love either.

 Now are you ready to become more of an ACTIVE LISTENER?

 ACTIVE LISTENING:

• means listening… not just hearing…. the words of the person with whom you are trying to communicate.
• requires some concentration and demonstration of interest and…
• Calls for knowing when to keep quiet with empathy, without judgment.
• Means looking at your partner directly in the eye, even if you feel attacked.
• Means asking for clarification before any retaliation.
• Includes recognizing that words are not the only form of communication. Pay attention to your body language and your partners.
• Means turning off your cell phone.

If you’ve been successful, you may be rewarded in ways that matter most to you too.

Pay attention to whether or not your communication succeeded… and why. (There’s a savable savable tool for you)

If you concentrate only on avoiding more trouble, and your inclination is to just shut up and swallow your own frustration (which may actually work for a while) watch out… it can lead to long-term trouble.

On the other hand, if you come to the proverbial table with love in your heart, if it is shared… or even if it has just been stalled…  the intimacy you are displaying through revelation, may do wonderful things to improve the other intimacies in your life.

ACTIVE LISTENING is a skill that can be learned. It should be in every lover’s “tool box.”

I’ll say it again…The only thing anyone will remember about you or about some argument, is how you made him/her feel.

Anyone up for a New Year’s resolution? Send me yours.