HOW SHOULD PARENTS INTERVENE?

Couples who are hunkered down together may be overwhelmed with too much togetherness. (I saw a photo on line this morning of a sign which hung from an apartment window. “HUSBAND FOR SALE.”) All kidding aside, there is a threat of CORONADIVORCE  looming, all over the world.  I understand.

For sure, kids, who are “onlys,” those with no siblings at home, are also having a hard time right now. Little humans need to be social too.

And… kids with sibs, are probably getting on each other’s nerves even more than usual. Even if you didn’t think it was possible.

Today, I am talking about THOSE kids and what  parents, may be able to do to help them … and each other… through this pandemic – challenge.

HOW SHOULD PARENTS INTERVENE IN SIBLING BATTLES?

If we want our kids to work things out with their siblings, we can’t just ignore the fighting and hope it goes away. We don’t want them to hurt each other, physically or mentally.

If you hear a ruckus going on in the next room…

• Take a moment to calm yourself: Sibling fighting can sound the alarm in our brain almost immediately. Chill. This probably not an emergency. Compose yourself. Stay calm. What your kids probably need is some new problem-solving tools.
• Stay Neutral: No judgment calls about who’s at fault, “Dad.” If you have allowed yourself to calm down first, you will be best able to offer support to everyone.
• Act like a “sportscaster” not as a “referee.” Got it? Even if you feel like screaming, just describe what you see in front of you, without judgment and without taking sides. Resist jumping in with a solution.
• Make a general statement: “It sounds like you guys need help solving this problem.” Hear each child’s perspective and restate their requests. When you repeat back their grievances, it helps kids start to hear each other and work on their own solutions
• Talk about how to fix things in a way that works for everyone. At first, you may need to give suggestions, but eventually your kids will offer their own solutions. It’s ok to delay this conversation until everyone is calm.

If sibling rivalry or sibling fighting seems to be taking over your house, these days, stop what you’re doing and spend a few precious moments with each one of your kids, alone. Their nerves are likely to be raw too.

Share your own emotional tool box… through example. Find ways to laugh together… laughter goes a long way.

Then, pat yourself on the back and take a long walk, alone… and smile under your mask.