Relationship-Advice

LOVE CHALLENGES… ON STEROIDS

September 6, 2020CORONAVIRUS

I am a LOVE doctor. My blog has most always been about the pleasures and pain associated with all kinds of LOVE and FRIENDSHIP connection. This one is no exception. Lately, because of our troubling times, and as I suffer along with everyone else, I take notice about how under whatever level of quarantine, relationships […]

“NINJA-LISTENERS” MAKE THE BEST LOVERS

June 8, 2017"Listen to Understand"

In feudal Japan, a “NINJA” was a covert agent, a mercenary. . With the aid of disguises and specific learned techniques, he gathered information about enemies Espionage was his mission. Ninjas had to learn to be great listeners. Their training prepared them to know when to keep their mouth shut and their minds open. This […]

“I HAVE DIVORCED MY DAUGHTER”

March 12, 2016Bill of Rights For Parents

Surely, sometimes it is reversed, but when things are not right with one’s adult children, it too often, is more of a profound, life-changing disappointment to the elder generation. Life throws us sucker punches for sure. But, could it be that there is nothing is more painful than being estranged from an adult child? After […]

THE FIFTH GRADE BULLY… AND YOU

February 28, 20165TH GRADE ANGST

I heard a man talking about his fifth grade “HERO” during a “MOTH RADIO HOUR.” If you also felt that you were out-of-step with what you imagined you were supposed to be thinking or feeling, you’ll appreciate this story. I’ve written before, about my fifth grade nemesis… the “BULLY.” This time, I won’t use her […]

EVERYONE HAS “EROGENOUS” ZONES

September 11, 2015Blog

The book Dr.Wayne Dyer wrote in the 70’s, had nothing to do with sex. Look fast and “ERRONEOUS” could READ, “EROGENOUS.” The title is what sold this book… at least initially. Dr .WAYNE DYER tricked us into paying attention. His book had absolutely nothing to do with sex. And then… we discovered that it […]

Her “Dr. Zhivago” Guy on Tinder

August 9, 2015Blog

August 9, 2015 Click on the green heart if you like how she looks… to the red “X” if you’re not interested. “Tinder,” the electronic dating app makes it so easy to find your soul mate… or someone you’d like to hang out with, anyway “Tricia” swooned when she looked at “Cameron’s” photo. “He looks […]

“Nice” Guys Have More Sex

June 7, 2015Blog

June 7, 2015 When’s the last time you winked at your spouse across the room? Or thanked him/her for all the things he does for you? Those would be really nice things to do. For marital happiness, I believe being “nice” is even more important than knowing the right way to “listen” and to communicate. […]

George’s Jealous Wife

May 26, 2015Blog

May 26, 2015 A man I’ll call “George,” called me several months ago. “Help,” he said. “My wife thinks I’m having an affair. She’s obsessed with everything I do. She checks out what I’m wearing. She checks out my underwear. No kidding. I bought new underwear because the old ones were tearing and she got […]

Etiquette For Over-Aged “Texters”

April 5, 2015Blog

April 5, 2015 “Carol,” 53, didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when she talked about how texting had almost led her to “romantic” folly. Newly single, “Carol” hadn’t been on a date for twenty-five years. . Then, walking her dog on Balboa Island, she met “Hal,” who invited her to coffee. She thought he […]

Fifty Shades of Good Guy / Bad Guy

March 3, 2015Blog

March 3, 2015 “In a super-hero movie, its typically good guy and bad guy… and bad guy attacks. In real life, evil seduces.” —Joaquin Phoenix Not always, but sometimes, these evil seducers are narcissists with over-inflated ideas of their own importance and talents, like the fictional Christian Grey in the story, “Fifty Shades of Grey.” […]

Valentine’s “Earthquake” Kit

February 9, 2015Blog

February 9, 2015 This Love Doctor speaks with authority and is sure that romantic relationships are worth every bit of the trouble they cause. They do need to be cared for and cherished, however. If I made the rules, every single couple would have a piggy bank prominently displayed their home…. a special and unique […]

Drama “Junkies” and Their Partners

January 31, 2015Blog

January 31, 2015 “At midnight, on New Year’s Eve, my wife, the ‘Drama Queen’ kissed me passionately and then screamed, so loud that the whole neighborhood could hear. She told me that last year was the worst year of our marriage and that I should pack my things and leave. This wasn’t the first time. […]

36 Magic Questions

January 18, 2015Blog

January 18, 2015 Want to feel more connected to someone? Ask each other these 36 questions — but not all at once. Even if you are not currently coupled, it may serve you well to think about your own answers. And about how much you would be willing to share. 1. Given the choice of […]

Ticket Back to Hot Sex

November 3, 2014Blog

November 3, 2014 Interested in hot sex? –“RE-KINDLING” has to come first. That is… if you’re thinking about having it with the same old partner. Think “campfire”. You have to start slow to reach the big flames. Talking is a very good place to start. Don’t roll you eyes, Gentlemen. Women are always claiming that […]

Getting a Marriage Back on Track

September 15, 2014Blog

September 15, 2014 After reading my last blog entry, (Divorce Predictors, September 4th 2014), Hilda wrote: “I get that the marriages you describe are in jeopardy, but what now? Can these marriages ever be saved?” Sometimes they can, Hilda. Some people learn from their bad experiences and move on to healthier relationships with or without […]

Falling In Love With Her

January 10, 2014Blog

January 10, 2014 “HER” played in our local theater. When it was over, several of the moviegoers around me were quite vocal with their reviews. “Soooo romantic,” cooed one woman. Her friend agreed. “Samantha and Theodore seemed like the perfect couple.” For the uninitiated who haven’t seen this film, please note that “Samantha” is the […]

Texting During Sex? Noooo!

August 3, 2013Blog

August 3, 2013 It must be true. I read it and it wasn’t even in the tabloids: Twenty percent of people under thirty-five text while having sex. Some older folks, apparently, are guilty too. I can’t vouch for what happens in the bedrooms of these people but I don’t think it could be very much […]

Fireworks

July 3, 2013Blog

July 3, 2013 I’ve always loved fireworks on July 4th; so don’t call me a spoilsport as you read this. “Fireworks,” just takes on different meaning in the world of family counselors and psychologists. If you’ve been in a relationship for any length of time, you know what I mean. Could you do a better […]

To My Valentine

January 16, 2013Blog

January 16, 2013 Dear Valentine, I know you are worried about what to give me for Valentine’s Day, so let me give you a few hints. No chocolates, please. I love chocolates, and I will not be able to resist them. Save me from that. Please. I do not want cut flowers because they die […]

Infidelity

November 17, 2012Blog

November 17, 2012 Infidelity – The conference at UCI last week-end was about “infidelity.” Not about how to do it, but how to avoid it and/or recover after it has happened. We react with reality TV- like interest and scorn, when national heroes, or our friends, are caught giving in to illicit passions. “How could […]

Husbands, Wives: Learn From Dustin Hoffman

October 10, 2012Blog

October 10, 2012 Husbands, Wives: Learn From Dustin Hoffman – Dustin Hoffman, the actor, said that Luciano Pavarotti, the famous classical singer and one-time insurance salesman, allegedly relied on encouragement from his wife to get out on the stage and perform. “My wife is also how I came to producing and directing in this time […]

Men and Women Avoiding Intimacy

August 18, 2012Blog

August 18, 2012 MEN AVOIDING INTIMACY – When and if a husband, like “Rob”, is tempted out of his “fidelity,” it is likely to be by some other woman who admires him and seems to find him irresistible, in person. She doesn’t have to balance a checkbook, keep the house neat or get along with […]

Forget “Bondage,” Love Has To Do With Bonding

July 7, 2012Blog

July 7, 2012 Forget “Bondage,” Love Has To Do With Bonding – Never mind the current best-selling trilogy of “mommy porn” fiction which I talked about in my last entry. (Click here on “Fifty Shades of Gray” to check it out.) I’m saying that if you really want to keep love hot, “bondage” doesn’t work. […]

The “Kind Kiss”

February 19, 2012Blog

February 19, 2012 The “Kind Kiss” – Shakespeare wrote about the “kind kiss” as the ultimate demonstration of love. In the second part of King Henry VI, Act 1, Scene 1, said by Henry VI: “I can express no kinder sign of love, than this kind kiss.” “Kind,” I think is the operative word, whether […]

Feeling Invisible in your Own Home

October 31, 2011Blog

October 31, 2011 “Old George” and His Wife in a State of “Irritated Retreat” – Husbands and wives continue to complain about feeling invisible in their own homes. If a guest comes to your door, you are likely to greet him or her with a hug or at least with a smile. You might offer […]

Being Nice is Not Good Enough

January 3, 2011Blog

January 3, 2011 Being Nice is Not Good Enough – Pity the woman who marries a man thinking she can sculpt him in a direction in which he doesn’t want to go. Pity the man who marries a girl, hoping she will never change and stay cast in stone, except when she’s in bed, of […]

Why Married Women Flirt

August 31, 2010Blog

August 31, 2010 Why Married Women Flirt – Suppose you were at a party with your beautiful wife, who you notice had made more extraordinary efforts than usual to look great. She wore tight jeans, a top, cut just a little too low for your taste, and shoes you had never seen before. “Jimmy Choo’s,” […]

The Successful Marriage of Al and Tipper Gore

June 7, 2010Blog

June 7, 2010 Is the The Gore’s marriage a failure? Really, now? Forty years together, raising a beautiful family, building a successful career, becoming Vice President and Second Lady of the United States, and making a significant mark on the world… that doesn’t sound like much a failure to me. You try being married for […]

When a Woman Trivializes a Men’s Sexuality

March 21, 2010Blog

March 21, 2010 When a Woman Trivializes a Men’s Sexuality – The biggest complaint that men have about their wives has to do with a lack of interest in sex. For good reason. Women are often guilty of trivializing their husband’s need for more and better intimacy. “He’s ridiculous!” she says. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong […]

It Wasn’t Even Valentine’s Day

February 16, 2010Blog

February 16, 2010 It Wasn’t Even Valentine’s Day – On a more ordinary Wednesday, John asked his girlfriend, Susan to play hooky from work and to meet him at a favorite spot near the beach. “Bring a picnic lunch,” he said. “I’ll bring the champagne.” When Susan arrived at the designated corner, she found John […]

Too Soon For Marriage? Divorce?

April 5, 2009Blog

April 5, 2009 Too Soon For Marriage? Divorce? – Sometimes, a person makes a huge mistake by marrying someone they shouldn’t. This is more likely to happen when passionate commitments are made too soon. Sometimes people, driven by a passion of another sort, divorce too hastily. Often, these are the same people. Their smart divorce […]

March Madness and Marriage

March 25, 2009Blog

March 25, 2009 March Madness and Marriage – The basketball frenzy of “March Madness” will go on for another weekend. Most men and some women will indulge, at the expense of other things, like their relationship with less-interested-in-such-things spouses. “I could lay down, nude, in front of the TV this week, and he wouldn’t notice,” […]

To Control Jealousy, Look to Yourself

January 26, 2009Blog

January 26, 2009 To Control Jealousy, Look to Yourself – A man I’ll call “George,” who I had never met, called me several months ago. “Help,” he said. “My wife thinks I’m having an affair. She’s obsessed with everything I do. She checks out what I’m wearing. She checks out my underwear. I’m not kidding. […]

Can Friendship Betray Marriage?

December 14, 2008Blog

December 14, 2008 Can Friendship Betray Marriage? – Carol tells Betsy and Betsy tells Carol all the intimate details of their lives. All in the name of friendship. Carol insists – and so does Betsy — that her good mental health depends of this kind of sharing relationship. “Betsy accepts me just as I am,” […]

MEN: Don’t You Buy Lingerie for Her

November 17, 2008Blog

November 17, 2008 Someone I love sent me a Thanksgiving reminder. The message was to remember to live each day, each hour, to the fullest. And to not put off the good stuff. It didn’t exactly say to eat dessert first … but it was implied. The message was full of encouragement to never save […]

Personal Commitment Worth Cheering

September 28, 2008Blog

September 28, 2008 Personal Commitment Worth Cheering – Run your first marathon and you’re a hero. Pump enough iron and you’ll be admired. Beat your golf handicap and others will bow. Hooray for your commitment! That kind of commitment is very much in style. It’s troubling though, when commitment to one’s exercise program seems to […]

Was John Really the Jerk or Did Carol Just Not Like Him?

August 24, 2008Blog

August 24, 2008 So it turns out that John McCain already had his sights set on Cindy before he left Carol. Sounds to me, from way out here, that Carol was a nice lady, so that when John left her, it was easy to understand the wrath of friends like Ronald and Nancy. Especially since […]

What’s a Frustrated Husband To Do?

July 29, 2008Blog

July 29, 2008 Suppose you are a married man who feels like you are misunderstood and under-appreciated. You say that all your wife does is complain about what you do wrong. She pushes you away when you approach her to make love. She makes excuses to do her own thing. She acts like she doesn’t […]

Is Your Marriage at Risk of ‘Bankruptcy’

July 20, 2008Blog

July 20, 2008 ALERT: Not recognizing your partner’s efforts and concentrating only on what he/she does wrong, can “bankrupt” your marriage. The final message on the TV screen in front of my seat on a jet Blue flight, right before take off was, “Thank you for being such a good reader.” Wow! Everyone around me […]

Ask ‘What, Not Why’

June 22, 2008Blog

June 22, 2008 Love doctors like me are always asked to explain “Why?” As in: Why did he fall out of love with me? Why did I fall out of love with him? Why did he cheat? Why did she get so fat? Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me? Why does she […]

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