December 14, 2008

Can Friendship Betray Marriage? – Carol tells Betsy and Betsy tells Carol all the intimate details of their lives. All in the name of friendship.

Carol insists – and so does Betsy — that her good mental health depends of this kind of sharing relationship.

“Betsy accepts me just as I am,” says Carol. Carol agrees and says that it’s wonderful to not have to wear a “mask” when she’s with Betsy, her designated “BFF.”

Carol and Betsy are both heterosexual, monogamously married women. And while their husbands wouldn’t admit to being jealous, the close relationship between the women does seem bothersome at times.

Phil, Carol’s husband, is crazy about his wife. He admits though, that sometimes he feels left out when Carol chooses Betsy over him as her “go to” person. When I hear them laughing together, I sometimes wish she’d put more of that kind of energy into us.

Betsy’s husband, Tom, says he finds himself withholding information from his wife because he doesn’t trust Betsy not to tell Carol. He adds, only half in jest, “Whenever we make love, I wonder if Carol is going to get a report the next day.”

Research shows that a woman may feel differently, but equally strong, about her BFF and her lover, but that a man is likely to love and trust his lover, above all. Which makes men more vulnerable.

Ladies: Take Note:

1. Your man will feel betrayed if you reveal his secrets to your girlfriends. No man is going to trust a woman if he’s not exactly sure whose side she’s on.
2.No man will trust you with his weaknesses, if he fears that weakness may be turned into humor at his expense.
3.If like most women, you want your husband to be affectionate, open and intimate with you, it seems that intimacy between friends must have it’s limits.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Take Note:
We all can learn from Leonardo da Vinci who said something like, “Criticize a friend (I think he also meant spouse) in secret, but praise him or her before others.”

If you’ve got a wife (or husband) who lives by this rule, kiss her or him… right now!

Happy Holidays filled with love and laughter for all,

Thanks For Visiting,

Email Dr. Linda

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