A man I’ll call “George,” called me several months ago.
“Help,” he said. “My wife thinks I’m having an affair. She’s obsessed with everything I do. She checks out what I’m wearing. She checks out my underwear. No kidding. I bought new underwear because the old ones were tearing and she got suspicious
.
“When I shaved the back of my neck, she accused me of ‘manscaping.’ I can’t get any work done; she calls all day long. Do you have any idea how annoying she is?”
George, I asked, are you having an affair?
“NO, NO NO!” he insisted.
I agreed to call George’s wife to try to get her to make an appointment with me to discuss her marriage. “Helen” answered the phone.
I introduced myself: I‘m Linda Algazi and I spoke to your husband last night.
“Don’t think you’re the only one, honey,” she screamed.
Helen is jealous. Clearly. Sometimes,a little jealousy can be good, for sure. But she did sound a little over the top.
Perhaps Helen has had some bad experiences with love.
Or maybe Helen has just become overly suspicious because of George’s poor communication skills.
Or because she herself is going through some personal challenge which may have nothing at all to do with George.
She may have seen him hiding his phone or deleting texts.
She may hate herself for not trusting him… even if he is really trustworthy.
Try This… Even if your partner doesn’t have serious trust issues, it’s not a bad idea to check out some of this relationship-building advice:
• Engage in meaningful communication with your spouse every day. Ask questions about what he/she says. Demonstrate that you are interested.
• Make her/him your “download” person. Share about the things you’ve done or thought about.
• Introduce your partner to any friends you have outside of your relationship. (Dr. Linda’s rule: Any friend who may seem to pose a threat needs to become a friend to your relationship.)
• Be lovingly demonstrative wherever and whenever you can. “I love you,” are magic words.. (“I love you too!” doesn’t count.)
• Share some secrets. Get him/her to do the same… that alone can be a another magic elixir for building or re-building trust.
Curious about “George” and “Helen”?
I think things are a little better. “George” did a good job. He put aside his own anger and changed his behavior a bit. Enough apparently to convince his wife that it was worth her while to participate in re-building what they both said was once a fabulous marriage.
In itself, this bodes well.
THINK ABOUT THIS: You do not have to be sick to get better!
Email Dr. Linda
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