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Why Married Women Flirt – Suppose you were at a party with your beautiful wife, who you notice had made more extraordinary efforts than usual to look great. She wore tight jeans, a top, cut just a little too low for your taste, and shoes you had never seen before. “Jimmy Choo’s,” she called them. She looked “hot” and she knew it. So did you.

At the party, she was the center of attention, which is not an easy thing to do in our town. The Orange Coast is famous for it’s fit and sexy women.

So there you are, in the corner of the room, drinking with your buddies. You look over and see your wife, in the middle of a group of other women, all of whom are animated and chatting with two handsome men.

Both men are laughing. Your wife touches one of them, a man you don’t even recognize. She smiles, coyly. “I’ll be damned,” you say. “She’s flirting.”

You’re too embarrassed to take action at the moment, but you confront her on the way home. She’s outraged, and accuses you of spoiling her fun. You feel betrayed and end up in my office.

What’s up? Why would a married woman, who insists her intentions are nothing but honorable, start to flirt? “She’s never been like that before,” you insist.

Flirting, even innocent flirting, is a call for attention, I explain to this “humiliated” husband. My guess is that his wife just wants to be noticed. What was he really worried about? Perhaps, she has been feeling under-appreciated and invisible, lately.

“I’m scared. I feel like she’s slipping away from me, he admitted. The husband explained how his work-week, in this down economy, had spilled over into the time they usually spent together. “Times are tough. She’s a grown-up. Why doesn’t she get it?, ” was his plaintive cry. Had they discussed the problem?

“No,” he admitted.

When is the last time you went out on a date, just the two of you, I asked. He couldn’t remember.

How about what happens at home. Do you take responsibility for any of the household chores?

“You’re kidding, right? I work so many hours. She works part-time. I shouldn’t have to do anything at home.”

Imagine what would happen if you surprised her by doing a few things which have been her responsibility, without being asked. I’ll tell you what would happen. If she’s like most women, she’d be turned on by those actions. She would find you incredibly sexy. Men have a hard time understanding why doing dishes or taking out the garbage can be foreplay. How’s your sex life, by the way? I asked.

“Not great, now. It used to be great.”

Do you ever tell her why you love her?

The husband raised his eyebrows. “Apparently, not often enough. Thank you,” he said.

The next day, I spoke to his wife. I had hard questions for her too.

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