“At midnight, on New Year’s Eve, my wife, the ‘Drama Queen’ kissed me passionately and then screamed, so loud that the whole neighborhood could hear. She told me that last year was the worst year of our marriage and that I should pack my things and leave. This wasn’t the first time.
“Now, of course, she’s begging me to come back”. She keeps me on my toes, my sweetie.” He smiles.
What happened last year that was so terrible? I ask.
“I was busy; she was busy too. I can’t be with her 24/7. She wants my ‘undivided attention’. I don’t even know what that means.”
Sounds like she was lonely.
“She controlling, that’s what she is. And, she thinks she’s right about everything. She’ll fight with me over some TV program or the weather. I swear she creates nonsensical drama just to get my attention.”
Sounds like loneliness to me.
Troubled relationships often rely on drama as a proverbial kick in the butt. The drama becomes a self-serving effort to numb the pain of an empty feeling inside. A substitute for emotional intensity, which seems better than deadness, at least for the moment.
Trust that I also get that passionate make-ups after dramatic break-ups sound like sport to some people. Just not me.
Ugh, Drama is great for the movies. Conflict in every scene keeps us from losing interest. Real-life marital drama becomes nothing more than a drag over time.
Drama “junkies,” and their partners… the ones who are attracted to chaos… discover finally, that too much struggling is destructive to intimacy.
Can these marriages be saved?
Only if both partners are motivated enough to survive the pain of change.
Is your “not-so better” half as the source of your problem? Most people think that, at least sometimes. Guess what? The real fix is for each partner to recognize and face up to their own stuff.
I’ve been helping couples to love each other better for over 25 years and I’m yet to meet two people in relationship-trouble, where only one partner was totally culpable.
Try This…
What could YOU… and I mean just YOU… do to make your relationship better?
Think about this: If you continue to insist that this… whatever “this” means… is all his/her fault, nothing is likely to change.
Email Dr. Linda
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