ARE YOU TOO NICE?

ARE YOU TOO NICE?

October 12, 2019angry spouse

                        Your instinct may be to shout, cry and / or scream at your spouse, your kids, your boss or your friend. But… you are also way too “NICE” to let on. Never would you do anything to disturb the harmony of any situation. […]

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MARITAL PROBLEMS? CONSIDER A “THREESOME”

August 2, 2019angry spouse

What do veteran couples… those married more than twenty years or so … fight about? You probably can guess… even if you have been in a relationship for a much shorter time. I don’t have to guess. My job is to help people love each other better. The first step always is to discover what’s […]

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LOVERS WHO KNOW HOW TO FIGHT

May 23, 2019"Listen to Understand"

It’s universal. People who live with other people sometimes disagree. That goes for good unions and bad ones. Who succeeds best has to do with how conflicts are handled. “My parents never fought with each other …  I  mean NEVER… so I believed that a fight-free relationship is how things should be” said ‘Carla’. “Silly […]

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“SHOULD “MELISSA” CHANGE … JUST TO KEEP ‘BRAD HAPPY?”

March 11, 2019A KINDER AND GENTLER "WALL"

    Yes… within reason. Change is inevitable, desirable for you, for “Brad” and for your marriage. It’s all a matter of degree, I told “Melissa.” It does need to go both ways; your husband has to be willing to bend some, too. Changing small things about yourself to please your partner is part of […]

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“I HATE MY HUSBAND”

May 5, 2018"cracked" communication

 “I hate my husband…. Now what should I do?” “Lori, once a college cheer leader, now a housewife, married for 22 years, wailed when she spoke about her “unfulfilling” marriage to “Tim” the once-captain of their college’s basketball team.  “We were destined for a ‘charmed’ life. At least that’s what I thought. That’s what he […]

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DOES IT MATTER WHO YOU MARRY ANYWAY?

February 23, 2018Alain Botton

       IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO YOU MARRY, according to philosopher Alain de Botton.  “If you like them at the beginning, you probably won’t like them at the end. And if you start off hating them, there’s always the chance you’ll end up thinking they’re all right.” IS HE A CYNIC? AN ANTI-ROMANCE KIND […]

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“PAPER” VS “PLASTIC” MARRIAGES

November 4, 2017"plastic" vs. "paper" relationships

I overheard a couple arguing at the check out stand in the market.   He said “paper”. She insisted on “plastic.” The checker was courteous as she waited for the verdict. His voice was louder; the “winner” was paper and she stormed away. The man behind them in line tried to be helpful.  “Not worth it […]

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WATCH OUT FOR “MARITAL TERMITES”

August 16, 2017"TERMITING" YOUR RELATIONASHIP

 Ever hear of LINGCHI? I hadn’t either. It’s Chinese for “death by a thousand cuts,” the practice of which was outlawed, thankfully, in 1905.  ASK ANY LOVE DOCTOR. Marriages which fall apart, often do so, because of another a kind of LINGCHI. The culprits are a “thousand” little annoying “destroyers,” which can ultimately “termite” the […]

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LOVE, POLITICS AND VALENTINE FANTASIES

February 12, 2017"cracked" communication

In her photo, she was in a sexy ice suit, climbing the glaciers in Patagonia. He swiped to the right. They met with what felt like instant chemistry; It was just after Christmas. Sugarplum dreams danced in her head, thinking that this VALENTINE’S DAY, finally, would be special. Here was a girl, he thought, who […]

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WHEN MEN “STONEWALL”

November 12, 2016"cracked" communication

It was the top of the seventh in the third game of the world series. Her intentions may have been good, but her timing sucked. She said: “Honey, we need to talk.” He couldn’t believe his ears. He thinks, “Now? Really?” “I could be naked in front of that TV and you’d ask me to […]

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WHEN MEN GET DEPRESSED

October 4, 2016angry spouse

If you’re talking to a MAN who you suspect feels hopeless and/ or over-whelmed, please, please, don’t ask him if he’s depressed. Because… chances are he’ll deny the possibility anyway.                                                             Men, as opposed to women, are much more comfortable focusing on the physical symptoms that accompanies their depression.  Statistics support the idea that women […]

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THE BAD, BAD “D” WORD

September 7, 2016"fractured families

 (Take note:  This  bad, bad  “D” word  has nothing to do with the “Donald.”) There are certain things you should NEVER SAY to your spouse who you claim to love most of the time, even when you are over-the-top angry.  NEVER SAY:  “Whatever” … with that, you know the one… dismissive look on your face. […]

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WHEN FRIENDS DIVORCE

August 14, 2016"fractured families

When “Betsy” came in for her first appointment, she wore big sunglasses to hide her bigger tears. She finally composed herself enough to explain that her friends “Meg” and “Rory” were getting divorced. It is always hard to watch people you care about, in pain, I said. “THEY’RE NOT IN PAIN… I AM,” SHE SAID. […]

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EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES

July 30, 2016"cracked" communication

I bet you’ve known someone who was so needy that he or she seemed to want… no… demand… all of your attention. You felt tired, drained after almost every encounter.   You may have been… or are… the victim of an “EMOTIONAL VAMPIRE.”   These people can and will suck you dry, if you let them. If […]

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THE “NARCISSIST” IN YOUR LIFE

May 6, 2016angry spouse

TRUMP aside, surely you know… or love… someone who you’d describe as cocky, arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding? Your mom may have told you that the bully-kid on the school playground… the one who bugged you… was just insecure and didn’t even believe his own bravado.  Turns out, your mom was wrong. That bully, a […]

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LOVERS, FRIENDS AND NASTY SHOUT-OUTS

April 22, 2016"cracked" communication

At a point of anger, have you ever out and accused your spouse, or someone else close to you, of  “MAKING A BIG DEAL OUT OF NOTHING?” Have you ever blown off a loved one, with a sarcastic, “GOOD LUCK,” to mean, that there would be nothing short of miracle that will make whatever he/she […]

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JANUARY: “BREAK-UP” MONTH

January 17, 2016angry spouse

“Nicole” waited until January to ask her husband “Jason” for a divorce. “Nicole” is not alone… January is famous for being “BREAK-UP” month. Ask any family law attorney and you’ll hear about how calendars fill up after the holidays.  Same for marriage counselors, psychologists and love-doctors. The couples we see, though, are usually still open […]

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#2: LOVE YOUR PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MATE?

January 3, 2016"Gotchas"

You’ve hidden his remote on purpose. UGH. Of course, he had no idea that you would do such a thing. But his passive aggressive quirks have finally got the best of you and you have stooped to fail, with your own set of “GOTCHAS”. Good for you that you’ve taken the first step by recognizing […]

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#1: PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE “GOTCHAS”

December 20, 2015"Gotchas"

                                                                       1. Does your spouse says or do mean things with a smile on his face? 2. Does your “loving” partner verbally comply with your requests but miss the mark, when it comes to follow-through? 3. Does he drive you crazy by consistently postponing or procrastinating doing something that he has promised to do? 4. […]

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