A woman I’ll call “Molly” came to see me after spending a weekend at spa resort with her friend who I’ll call “Jody.” Their husbands were off playing in a golf tournament.
Molly was upset because her friend revealed that her husband had asked for a vacation from their marriage. Jody’s husband is going to go on an archeological dig in Peru and says he does not want to “feel married.”
Why are you upset, I asked Molly. Is it really about your friend or does any of this have something to do with you?
Molly became quiet.
Molly, are you worried about your own marriage?
“Yes,” she said, finally. “I’m am worried for Jody too. Her husband’s still home and they are seeing a marriage counselor. Maybe they will be all right.
And you? What’s going on between you and your husband?
“Is it normal for a 38 year old man not to want sex?” she asks plaintively.
Molly’s husband, it seems, always has a “headache.”
I learned that for the last three years, since their last child was born , their sex life had diminished to “maybe… once a quarter”.
“I should be the archeologist and do a little digging on my own, she said. Things just aren’t right.
“There’s this detective guy that my girlfriend knows. Do you think I should hire him to follow my husband to see if….”
Slow down, Molly. You’ve got to slow down. Why don’t we begin by supposing he’s innocent and see if we can get to the bottom of this in a kinder, gentler way. It may also be much more productive.
Molly was willing.
DEAR FRIENDS, DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?
Molly’s story continues:
She invited her husband Brian to join her in the therapy process. Rather than the anger she expected, when she told him she had come to see the love doctor, Brian was relieved.
He loves Molly and needed help to get her to understand what was going on with him.
For starters, it turns out he’s angry because she never lost the weight she gained with her last pregnancy. “It’s like she doesn’t care,” he said.
He doesn’t have a girlfriend and he’s not addicted to pornography.
Molly, feeling abandoned and unloved had stopped doing all the little things for her husband that he had always appreciated.
And because he had rejected her sexually, she began to wear unattractive sweats to bed, which made matters worse.
Their social life had come to a grinding halt because she stopped making dates with their friends, a common symptom of a troubled marriage.
This year their vacations were taken separately; she at a spa and he was off to golf with his friend who was about to abandon his family.
Brian had felt abandoned and unloved.
EPILOGUE:
Molly and Brian, on vacation in Hawaii, sent me flowers today!
Stay in touch with me at dr.linda@cox.net.
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