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May 29, 2011

Men Who Cheat – A man told me he’s been faithful to his wife since his 45th birthday.

How old are you? I asked.

“Forty-five and two weeks,” he answered.

What’s really up when a man cheats on his wife? Sometimes, not much, according to at least one survey, which by the way, was conducted by a man!

“Honest infidels,” those who admit their dalliances to their friends and/or lovers, sometimes identify their messing around as “recreation,” nothing more, nothing less. “I’m a married man. This is just fun. Wanna play?”

These are the men who somehow justify their actions as being a totally separate activity, having nothing to do with their conjugal duty or love of their family. They often pride themselves on being good providers and for taking care of their families. These fellows may operate under a sense of entitlement, or they may think their wives really don’t care.

I am always surprised when they are surprised when they discover that their wives care a lot.

Sometimes, I’ll meet a very different kind of man who has lived his marital life as a boy scout. Then, under some special circumstance he will have succumbed to the wiles of some beauty. He’s the guy who is most likely to get caught. Probably because he wants to get caught.

His well-developed, good-guy conscience often gives him away. His moral compass had temporarily crashed, is all. So, unconsciously or consciously, he makes sure he’ll get found out. His wife serves as an “external hard drive” to remind him about his real value system.

He may be oh so grateful to her when she doesn’t kick him out.

Sometimes these post-affair marriages get especially high marks, because both spouses have been kicked into recognizing how they must pay attention to one another.

Then there are guys like Arnold, who hardly qualifies as a boy scout. He allegedly conducted an affair in his own home, with an employee, and fathered her child. My heart goes out to Maria.

And what about the French dude who the newspapers say, raped a maid in a hotel. He explained that he had made a mistake. That he had called for a hooker and mistook the maid for a call girl. Nice try.

I’m not sure his wife was comforted by his defense. She’s standing by her man, we read. I really wonder why.

For most of us, the nicest way to live is with someone you love, who loves you back.

“No one is the owner of their instincts, “ says Elie Weisel. “But controlling them, that is civilization.”


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