Learning About Love From an Old Friend – An old friend gave himself a birthday party this weekend, It was a celebration of love and accomplishment. At the risk of sounding sentimental and icky, I was happy to be included and I’ll admit it… I cried.
He and his wife have remained loving and committed (as far as the rest of us know), his career has been formidable, and everyone looks healthy.
You know that old truism… “you can only be as happy as your least happy child”? This guy’s least happy child … he’s got a lot to choose from… would have been hard to pick out yesterday.
How important is family for happiness? Ask someone who doesn’t have one.
Recently, a young man was in my office, questioning himself about whether or not it was worth taking a chance on acquiring all this “stuff.” His girlfriend of three years was getting anxious.
Given all the divorces and challenges associated with combining lives, maybe, this guy thought, he could avoid a lot of grief.
What’s you idea, I asked.
He thought it would be fine to keep things just as they were.
He admitted he loves his girlfriend and that he doesn’t want to lose her. Sometimes, he says, he thinks it would be nice to have a baby, but then he thinks about what all that means. There’d be no real exit.
He told me about his unhappy friends, who are stuck in “go-nowhere marriages.”
He told me about friends who cheated on their wives.
He told me about friends who’s wives spent too much money and seemed to have a sense of entitlement.
He told me about the wives of his friends who had let their looks gone to hell.
This young man was paralyzed by a fear, which was most likely rooted in the relationships of his past. I’ve never been accused of being terribly psychoanalytical, but I am so curious about this guy’s family of origin.
If it is his mission, I’ll find out more as we work together to help him to re-focus. If he really loves his girlfriend, as he says he does, I hope he can do it in time.
I just wish he could have been at that party!
Email Dr. Linda
{ 0 comments… add one now }