Picture of Dr. Linda Algazi, Ph.D

May 3, 2009

Laura Learns From Anne’s Story – “Okay, I get it,” said Laura, after reading about Anne, who had been emotionally stuck in an ex-marriage which had ended so long ago.(Click here to read about Ann.)

“Tom, my ex, has re-married and he and his wife have a new baby.” It’s done me no good to think about him so much. I woke up this beautiful morning. I’m alive and it’s time I started acting like it.

Dr. Linda, thanks for a kick in the pants! Thanks to Anne, too, for sharing her story.

“But what do I do now?” she asked.

Turns out that Laura wasn’t as much of a dud as she had implied and I had feared. Laura has been back in school for awhile now, finishing up her bachelors degree..

She hasn’t yet identified a solid career path, but knows enough to keep her options open. She’s been thinking about becoming a landscape architect.

So what about the rest of her life?

Her kids are in college too, she says. “We are racing to the finish line together. They think it’s cool to have a mom in college. I’ve got a few girlfriends, who are also divorced. We go to the movies and to Palm Desert once in awhile.

When I think long-term, I do see myself married again. Right now, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to date. To take my clothes off in front of a stranger?”

Unsolicited, Laura described herself over and over again. I’m forty-five and fat. I have veins on my legs and a twenty-three year old scar from a c-section.”

Whoa, Laura. What I see when I look at you is a beautiful woman, whose had the moxie to redirect her life. What you need is another shot of self-confidence. A different kind of kick-in-the-pants.

You are operating on old tapes. Forget about Tom and his complaints about you. Do a little realistic self-assessment, girl.

If you think you need to lose a few pounds, embrace that as a project. But the real project is to get over defining yourself according to your defects. Even a little bit of success in the weight loss department (or in any other, for that matter) can be incredibly empowering.

Newly minted singles find they have to pay uncomfortable attention to some often long-forgotten skills.

For now, continue to concentrate on school and your family but also open up your life to welcome some new and nurturing friends who can make you laugh.

When all is said and done, laughter’s the best medicine.

Thanks For Visiting,

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