One day after Judge Brett Kavanaugh was challenged by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford in front of a Senate Judiciary Committee,

I went out to lunch with twelve women.

We talked about these unfortunate “reality TV” hearings, as you may have been doing too..

An interesting conversation, for sure. …

Eleven out of the twelve revealed their own “#me too” stories about how their personal sexual integrity had been in jeopardy at some time.

None of the women said that were actually raped. Yet, every one of them demonstrated a clear memory of tremendous fear that locked into their psyche as a result. One, who gave us a blow by blow description of her experience, said she was four year old at the time she was violated.

Fear and other negative emotions are stored, often stuck, in the memory center of the brain called the “hippocampus”. It’s PTSD (post-traumatic stress syndrome) and not so different from what soldiers suffer after a horrific deployment.

The memory of that helplessness and lack of any kind of control gets uncomfortably stuck in the hippocampus of the victim.

She waited thirty-six years to tell her story. I understand.

Dr. Ford, a psychologist, managed to educate a nation… the world… as she revealed her story. She spoke of being a victim of teenage boys, drunk and out of control, who “burst into uproarious  laughter, at my expense, while one of them was on top of me.”

Not one of the women at my luncheon had turned in their perpetrator. NOT ME, EITHER AND I FELT SO EMBARRASSED.

I cried as I watched Dr. Ford give her testimony. I felt ashamed; I feel ashamed.

I did not turn in the clergyman who was so inappropriate with me. (Please note that this incident had nothing to do with seduction. I was simply threatened.)

Three years later, I heard on the radio that this same man had been arrested for multiple counts of molesting young girls. I cringed with regret for not reporting him to police.  I may have been able to protect some of those girls.

Why hadn’t I turned him in?

  1. He didn’t rape me, I rationalized.
  2. I was too embarrassed to talk about the incident.
  3. I didn’t want to think about it, ever.
  4. I never wanted to have to see that man again.

In these #metoo times, it would be easy to fool ourselves into thinking the problem has been solved.

Judge Kavanaugh insists on his innocence. Dr. Ford insists he is guilty. It appears that one of them must be lying unless…  one or both was so drunk to account for a blackout of memory.


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