“I’ve always believed in love at first sight. Please tell me it’s possible, doctor.”

“Brianna” was crying.

JOHN PERRY BARLOW, a one-time cynic, who wrote lyrics for the Grateful Dead, once said he was sure that the “”love at first sight” idea was invented by lady novelists from the South … with three names.”

 There’s an age-old debate. Centuries of literature and art and beauty have been dedicated to the romantic idea that love strikes like an arrow.

But, when Barlow, for one, fell in love, at first sight, his cynicism disappeared. He changed his tune… big time.

“I felt like I had finally met another member of my tribe, “and I felt that before I said anything to her or she said anything to me… I just knew.”

He and his new love became a couple instantly and       were planning to marry.

Disaster interrupted their good fortune, however. Barlow’s girlfriend died unexpectedly a short time later, leaving him with her final words. “We were made for each other, baby.”

Perhaps they were made for each other. He would say that they were lucky for the time they shared.

I don’t know what’s happen to him since, but I’m betting on his ability to love again.

SO WHAT ABOUT “BRIANNA?”

She met the man who she says “captured her heart” three months ago through social media and “fell in love” before she had even heard his voice.

That’s not… “LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

“His texts were compelling”, she insisted.

 “I couldn’t help myself. I texted him my stories… told him things I had never told anyone. I shouldn’t have done that, I guess.

“He wanted to know all about me. I loved it. I was hooked. “

“I was sure ours was going to be A LOVE AT FIRST “TEXT “thing.

I had never heard of such a thing  before… even “Brianna” managed a smile at her own words.

 “We did have a few real dates… three. He paid for dinner, showed me pictures of his dog, his mom and his boat. That’s all good stuff,  right?

“The clincher was when he suggested we plant a garden together. We spent our third date at a nursery, buying seeds. Wouldn’t that melt your heart too?

“Then…  he disappeared.  . I He still texts me every day…. I guess that’s something. Still,   I can’t help feeling like  I’ve been ‘ghosted’.”

What happened to the seeds for the garden?

 “I planted them, myself. ” She perked up and told me how he asks about them, sometimes..

Come on,  “Brianna,”It’s a good bet that  this man has  given you the best that he had to offer.

 She looked at me… dumb-founded.

 I explained that men who instantly engage often are just as likely to dis-engage… and at an alarming rate. They’ve got the opening moves down pat, but second level intimacy remains way too threatening.  .

 For sure, there will always be romantic, LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT outlier stories like that of Mr. Marlow and his lady.

  I do believe LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT is possible, even if its rare. I also believe that it is far from the only path to successful romance. 

 As you have already discovered, “Brianna,” your initial lusty feelings may have distorted your good judgment.

 

 

THINK ABOUT THIS:

  1. Almost everyone falls under the spell of someone, sometime.
  2. It’s a good idea to recognize that when it happens, chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin and norepinephrine are likely to cloud your senses.
  3. No matter how passionate you feel, it’s wise to slow down the love-process.
  4. Wait until your vision has cleared before trusting whoever he/she is, with your heart.

 

THEN, THINK ABOUT THIS TOO:

 Regardless of whether your love story starts with a text, a cute-meet or in some other way, LOVE that matters, always needs time, like a garden, to grow.

 When you get it right, you’ll know it was worth the effort.

 

 


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