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I must of hit a nerve with my post entitled, “I’VE DIVORCED MY DAUGHTER”.

First to respond was my own daughter, who read it and called to ask if there was something we needed to talk about. I think she was kidding… but I reassured her anyway.

Then the responses to my e-mail account poured in with what were really sad tales about the pain… and relief… resulting from families and friendships becoming “fractured,” siblings becoming “splintered” and “cracked” communication.

My sample is a small one, for sure… fewer than one thousand readers are on my blog list.

 I offer these so-called “conclusions” with caution, only as some things you may want to think about: 

    1. Parents who “divorce” their kids, most often do so as an act of “tough love.” For whatever reason, their so-called “adult” children have failed to learn how to function in this difficult world without getting into some kind of trouble.
    2. “Divorce” in this sense, means “letting go with love.” As hard as it may be for the parents, “children,” forced to take responsibility for themselves, do have the best chance of recovery.
    3. Parents who have turned their backs on grown- up offspring who are not challenged by addictions, usually do so because their children have dissed them so badly that they can no longer tolerate the continuing disappointments.

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  1. “Affluenza,” a word coined to mean suffering from having been over-indulged as a child,, appears to often be a precursor to the “fracture” of families.
  2. When parents and grown offspring are challenged by what seems to be terminal cracks in their relationship, the rift mostly likely had been initiated, by the offspring.
  3. If parents divorce after their children are grown, their “children” often feel called upon to choose sides, hear TMI (too-much-info) stories and unhappily bear witness to their history, including the good stuff, being erased.
  4. The “children” may become terminally angry about their own lack of power in their parent’s marriage and divorce decisions.
  5. There are parents who are dysfunctional and who have been cruel enough to their kids to justify estrangement, whether or not there has been a divorce.
  6. There are grown “children” who are dysfunctional and cruel enough to their parents to justify estrangement.

  The optimist in me remembers that this is a long life and that even when all hope of reconciliation seems impossible or even undesirable, there always remains the possibility of reconciliation.

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 Dear Parents, Children, Brothers, Sisters and Friends:

  • When and if you are ready, take responsibility for any mistakes you have made and be willing to listen and hear the position of your relative… or friend.
  • Accept the other’s view as being valid to them, even if it is different from your own.
  • Consider that “acceptance” is an alternate method of moving on, allowing you to make peace with whatever the travesty, but on your own terms.
  • Decide that any future relationship with the offending person will only happen within your own comfort level.
  • As hard as it may seem, do not give unsolicited advice.
  • Have patience.
  • Remember that at best, once fractured, relationships can take a long time to heal.
  • Recognize that many who have managed to make things better, may ultimately come to value the anchor of familial love.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are qualified psychologists and family counselors in every community, who can make a difference.

  If you have a story which may inspire others, please e-mail me at <dr.linda@cox.net>. All names and details will remain confidential under every circumstance.


Thanks For Visiting,

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