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June 7, 2015

When’s the last time you winked at your spouse across the room?

Or thanked him/her for all the things he does for you?

Those would be really nice things to do.

For marital happiness, I believe being “nice” is even more important than knowing the right way to “listen” and to communicate. And we all know how important it is to communicate.

When happy couples are studied, it becomes clear that it’s these kinds of small things that matter the most. That is, if you love her / him and want to show just how much you do.

Shame on those who unconsciously or otherwise, seem to act kinder and to be more attentive to strangers than to those they claim, are most important to them.

“Knock it off,” Doc, said one man, who said his wife was “sexually starving” him. “I’m nice enough. She knows I love her.” He turned toward his wife. “You know I love you?”

She remained still.

“Come on,” he said. Tell the doctor. You know I love you. I took you to dinner for your anniversary. Tell her.

“You mean, ‘our’ anniversary. Sometimes, dear, she said sweetly, I feel like you don’t really care. I mean …”

He threw his hands in the air, exasperated. “What do women want?” The guy didn’t have a clue.

Here’s some MAGIC WORDS you also have my permission to steal… if and when they happen to be true. It may be just enough to get you started:

1. “I love it when you wear that.”
2. “You take my breath away.”
3. “I am more in love with you than ever.”
4. “I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me for …….?”
5. “I forgive you. And I won’t bring this up again, okay?”

The decision to be “nice,” for real, especially if you have been out of practice for a while like the man in my office, is going to take some effort. Mostly because being “nice” cannot be a one-time deal.

Happy relationships are built on the foundation of one “nice” gesture at a time.

Best to remember that conflict resolution, even when you are very angry, doesn’t preclude being a “nice guy.” Happy spouses never resort to name-calling, learn how to compromise and find the energy to see how things look things through the eyes of their partners.

Turns out that, contrary to conventional wisdom, it’s the “nice” guys who end up having more sex than those who aren’t so nice.

And, I didn’t make that up.


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