Picture of Dr. Linda Algazi, Ph.D

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November 3, 2014

Interested in hot sex?“RE-KINDLING” has to come first. That is… if you’re thinking about having it with the same old partner. Think “campfire”. You have to start slow to reach the big flames.

Talking is a very good place to start.

Don’t roll you eyes, Gentlemen. Women are always claiming that their marriages are falling apart because of “lack of communication.” Which, I will admit, sounds like a cliche even to this seasoned Love Doctor.

Maybe it’s time to re-think that old “communication” idea, anyway.


Consider The Story of “Wendy” and “David”

“Wendy” complains that “David” never seems to have enough time for her anymore. He goes to the gym right after work and by the time he gets home, he hasn’t got much left. Except to watch a ball game or two. On the weekend, she says, “he downloads by playing video games. I might as well not be there. He hardly talks to me.”

Wendy says things never used to be that way.

I believe her. I also know that if things are going to change for the better, it will take both of them to fix what’s wrong, even if that doesn’t seem fair to her. Her idea of a fix is for him to knock off the video games and forget the gym.

Sound familiar? A retreating husband and a wife who is convinced its all his fault.

I asked Wendy if she had ever heard of the “Pareto Principle.” Nope.
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Sometimes, psychology looks to other disciplines for answers. Mr. Pareto was an early twentieth century, Italian economist, who recognized that eighty per cent of the land was owned by twenty per cent of the people.

Funny how, in business, eighty percent of sales also come from twenty per cent of the customers.
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When it comes to relationships, eighty per cent of the frustrations are caused by twenty per cent of the problems. The eighty/twenty “Pareto Principle,” seems to apply here too.

Wendy is sad because she feels neglected by the man she loves, not because he plays video games. Once, they had had a story-book romance, complete with a cute meet. She wants their specialness back.

Visiting this Love Doctor was a call for action. Yea for Wendy. David, it turns out, was tickled by her interest.

I reminded them that “happily-ever-after” has to be created and re-created, and then again. New love… lust… is fickle. True love isn’t like that. Ask any veteran couple.

Love grows with attention and supportive words. Wendy and David can’t just wait for things to change. And neither should you. We all need to take charge of our relationships, with a joint effort at “re-kindling.” Which may be nothing more than a more palatable word to look at “communication.”

It’s never too late to re-kindle things back up:

1. Identify your real problems.
2. Talk with each other, every day about your personal challenges and victories, your dreams for the future, your kids, your family.
3. Plan for an adventure.
4. Look for ways to keep love alive by showing interest and asking questions about his/ her concerns and/or interests.
5. Watch a movie. Touch and talk about it
6. Get involved in activities together outside of the home.
7. Learn a new language or find another activity you can share.
8. Participate in a charitable effort, as a team.
9. Find ways to laugh together.
10. Don’t sweat the small, eighty percent stuff.

If you do all these things, I bet your sex life will improve and I’d love to hear your stories.


Thanks For Visiting,

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