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September 4, 2014

Once, Holly’s life with Jeff was enviable, filled with all kinds of adventure and anticipation. They invested an enviable amount of time in their relationship. “Once upon a time,” she says, “things were perfect.”

These days,” she says, she feels like he’d rather be with anyone, but me. I have become a nag. I almost don’t blame him.

“The more I bring up my need for quality ‘we-time’, the more he shuts down. He golfs with his buddies. Calls it, ‘doing business’… monkey business, if you ask me.

“So now, I’ve stopped nagging. He’s happy. Funny, huh?. He doesn’t get that it’s because I’ve stopped caring. I don’t want do anything with him anymore, either.

“I’m thinking about leaving.”

This was scary, wake-up news for Jeff, who very much, loved Holly and wanted to keep his marriage and family.

Turns out, he was just modeling his own father and how he had had done things. Lucky Jeff wizened up in the nick of time. Holly had spoken up before it was too late.

• In PURSUER – DISTANCER RELATIONSHIPS, it’s the wife who is usually the PURSUER of togetherness. And it is the HUSBAND-DISTANCER, like Jeff, who emotionally disappears, over time. Fifty five to sixty five percent of divorcing couples, have demonstrated this pattern, in their marriages.

• The second most likely group to divorce are the QUIET DRIFTERS . These partners, often have been ambivalent about their relationship from the beginning and may be recognized in the “ED McMAHON SYNDROME.” Comedian, Ed McMahon, was credited for saying, “You are correct, sir,” whether he meant it or not, as a strategy to avoid engagement and/or disappointment

• PASSIONATE FIGHTERS are those couples who everyone always expected to divorce. The path to their demise is often an angry, colorful, repeating struggle, fueled by passion and the promise of make-up sex. My first suggestion to these folks is to invent a stuffy, imaginary “house guest”. Because if you think he can hear everything, you may become more pleasant, which is a good thing. For sure, your kids will thank you and your imaginary friend may actually help your marriage to ultimately survive.

Divorce can get ugly.


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