What Really Makes You Happy? – Some scrooge-like outliers seem to get off on never finding peace or joy in anything or anybody. That seems to make them as happy as they are capable of being. Most everyone else searches for another way.
Does being married make you happy? If you’re in a good marriage it does. If you’re not, chances are you’re not very happy.
The keynote speaker at the American Psychological Association annual convention challenged some of the conventional wisdom about the formula Mom and society recommends:
1. Find a wonderful life-partner,
2. Find a well-paying, fulfilling career
3. Have children.
Dr. Daniel Gilbert, from Harvard calls it the “cultural imperative.” One, he says, that sort-of holds up. New research shows that mom and “society” were right about some things and wrong about others:
The single biggest predictor of happiness is the quality of your relationships. All of them. When you marry, there is a happiness spike. If you’re unhappy and you divorce, there’s also a happiness spike, afterwards.
When are people happiest? When they are making love. Beyond that, when they’re involved with each other, Talking is good.
What about money? Does having lots of money make you happier? “Yes,” says the doctor, up to a certain point. People with enough money have better lives and more opportunities. They get to have more experiences with those they love and are able to provide more for their children. Money also buys personal time and freedom.
After you reach a certain financial comfort zone, however, more money doesn’t generate that much more happiness.
And kids? It’s hard to believe that research also shows that living with young children is not all that it’s cracked up to be when it comes to generating happiness.
Dr. Gilbert explains that even though kids don’t “make their parents happy,” they need to think they do, because of all the time and effort it takes.
We love them more, he says, because of this sacrifice.
I say, send them to Grandma’s house.
Email Dr. Linda
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