Amy’s Addicted to Jason – Never mind that Jason says he loves Amy one minute and that he disappears the next. No matter that since he’s been in her life, Amy feels anxious and uncomfortable almost all of the time. And that the closer she tries to get to him, the more he pulls away.
Amy says she loves Jason anyway, in spite of the pain. Amy’s got “love” mixed up with obsession
It’s hard for her to think about anything but Jason. Even her job is now in jeopardy
Like a compulsive gambler trying to recoup her losses, she stays in this “love” game, doing the same old stuff and expecting a different result.
Try This – If you identify with Amy because you are also hanging on to a relationship that you know should end, or if you are stuck in a place, where you find yourself thinking too much about someone who left your life a long time ago, then this is for you:
Dr. Linda’s Guide to Falling Out of Obsessive Love:
1. Look in a mirror. Face up to the reality that there is little chance that your relationship is likely to ever be any different that it is right now.
2. Think about the idea that he or she is either unwilling or unable to love you in ways that you need.
3. Remind yourself that there is nothing very romantic about loving someone who won’t love you back.
4. Ask one or two friends for help, if you are lucky enough to still have friends. Enlist them to remind you about how many times you have been let down or hurt by your disappointing lover.
5. Keep a “Dear Dick” diary in the form of a letter you will never send him. Write about all the ways he has betrayed you.
6. Read your letter over, every day at a designated time. Allow one hour for this exercise. During this time, you must think about him only, whether you want to or not. (Psychologists call this technique, “flooding.”) If you do this enough times you may finally become bored with him and the whole idea.
7. Burn the letter when you think you feel ready to let him go.
8. Then take on a new project. Buy a bicycle, join a hiking club, take up kayaking or enroll in a French class.
9.If ever, you think your are losing your resolve, and he somehow begins to seem not so bad, close your eyes and meditate. Remember the problems and the patterns. Concentrate hard. Imagine being five years older in the same destructive pattern. Ugh.
10. Now, switch channels and change your fantasy. It’s five years from now and you see yourself involved in a happy and loving union with somebody else. With someone you love who loves you back.
11. “Replay” this positive affirmation every night before you go to sleep.
Sweet dreams
Email Dr. Linda
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