The Ex-Wife Syndrome – It was Anne’s first appointment with me and I knew nothing about her. I asked about her life.
I’m miserable,” she said. “Sad all the time. Maybe Jack’s right. He says I’ve always been a downer.”
Who is Jack? I asked.
“Jack’s the man I married twenty-five years ago He’s the father of my children. A money manager. He also plays tennis. He’s a history buff. What else do you want to know about him?”
Is Jack right? Have you always been a downer?
Anne laughed sarcastically. “Sometimes,” she said, “ I try to act happy around him, just to see if he’ll notice. He doesn’t. Maybe it’s my fault. Whenever he’s around, I get so nervous that I blow it.
“Then he gets upset with me. Every time. My whole day, sometimes my whole week is ruined. I get so wiped out that I can’t generate enough energy to do much of anything else.”
Anne, it sounds to me like you have a very difficult marriage, I said.
“Marriage?” she looked startled. “Didn’t I tell you that Jack and I divorced fifteen years ago? Actually, it will be fifteen years in thirteen days.
“He’s married this woman he met at work, a year after we got divorced. I’ll never forgive him for having more children. I always think of myself as his ‘real wife’.”
Poor Anne. I had asked her about herself and all she could tell me about was her ex-husband from so long ago.
I have met too may women like Anne, who remains miserable and exhausted for much too long after their divorce. Even years later, they remain emotionally attached to men who are no longer emotionally attached to them.
What’s the RX doctor? you ask?
It’s never too late to move toward personal discovery and recovery. Anne is in the process of learning how the best revenge, after all, is her own happiness.
If you too are guilty of the “ex-wife” syndrome, take steps to re-gain your independence before you waste any more time and opportunity.
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